mamaUK

Buddhism for Mothers

 

I've been away from this space for a week because I have been so busy reading Sarah Napthali's 'Buddhism for Mothers - A Calm Approach To Caring For Yourself And Your Children.' It was recommended by a good friend of mine and I bought it that same day.

Her book has taken my breath away.

It's shaken up my world (forever I think) 

It's started me on a journey reflecting on how using Buddhist practices in my day to day life as a mother can hugely benefit my family around me, helping me be more loving, patient, accepting.

 In a practical way it teaches ways of achieving calm, how to remain calm even when you begin to feel impatient. If you're beginning to feel angry with you child, don't suppress it or express it, simply notice it and feel the effect that particular emotion is having on your body. Don't give that negative emotion too much power. By practicing the Buddhist principle of impermanence, you know that these feelings will change and flow into a different emotion. It will pass. Nothing stays the same.

 It is one of the best books on motherhood I have ever read.

The book seems to speak the truth. It makes me wonder, why didn't I think this before? Already know this truth?

This is the one book I could not be without and I will go back to time and time again. I know that over time Buddhist teachings will make me the best parent possible to my children, through calmness, gentleness and mindfulness. It has, quite simply, changed my life.

This week

Bits and pieces from our week so far. Admiring the styling and photography in the mini Boden Spring 2012 catalogue that just dropped though our door. I especially like the way the light is captured on the front cover. Renewing Passports. Loving seeing the Haba Gummy Bears and Biscuits in a Tin being played with, oh so perfect for a pretend picnic. Last night baking a very British nursery pudding, a warm and comforting pear sponge served with custard. Little L declared she liked it, Miss K said she didn't. Walking to school this morning in the pouring rain. Catching up with laundry and making pizza dough.

Resisting the pressure to over-schedule your children.

Miss K

Simplicity means something different to each person, to each family, and within that unique family, simplicity can have so many different facets. Simplicity and minimalism in the home is much more than just throwing things out (although decluttering is key for simplifying at home for our family) there are so many other ways that you can live a lighter, more simple family life. Simplifying usually means cutting down on something or eliminating something. This can make room for something better. But 'something better' doesn't have to be a physical object, that  'something better' can be as simple as the gift of time, breathing spaces in your day, time to nurture yourself and your family.

Minimalism to me doesn't mean just 'stuff' (or lack of stuff.) It is a way of living. One way we live a minimalist life is by having a simplified rhythm to our week in the hours after school. Miss K leads a busy life going to school five days a week. To try and balance this out I make sure I pare down her schedule to an absolute minimum and don't over-load her with extra-curricular activities or after-school play-dates.

Although clubs are offered in Miss K's school, she doesn't attend any of them as I feel that after just over six hours at school in any one day, it's time for her to be at home. She doesn't need any more time at school. She needs the opportunity to relax, play, just be a child away from the pressures of school life.

I have made the conscious choice that Miss K doesn't go to any after-school play dates as a rule. I feel she needs to be able to spend time within the family home, we save play-dates with school friends until the holidays. This way she is revived and full of energy and able to enjoy playing with a friend, rather than feel low on energy and unable to play so well because it's the end of the school day.

We have always cut right back on extra-curricular activities for Miss K right from when she started school and by maintaining our simplified rhythm to our week in the hours after school, we have been able to make room for that 'something better' for us. We have given ourselves time to supplement school life with elements of Waldorf-inspired education into daily life. By fiercely protecting segments of time, we are, in turn, protecting our own family life, opportunities to connect and honour our relationships with our children, time to just be. 

winter

It actually felt like winter this morning. We woke up to another frosty morning, the children stood on tippy-toes peering out of their bedroom windows to see ice crystals decorating the outside world. They talked about Jack Frost visiting in the night and how he will be ready to nip fingers and toes as they step out of the door. On the walk to school they noticed the pretty patterns in the frost. They reached out and gently touched the tiny tendrils of ice ferns, creeping along walls and frosting fallen leaves.

To celebrate these frosty mornings we plan to collect berries, twigs and leaves so we can make our own little ice windows by laying them out in water to freeze overnight. You can see a detailed description of how to make Ice Windows in the Winter edition of Juno magazine.

When the children come in from school tonight, I am going to read the Brambley Hedge Winter Story before tea, 'The mice had smelled snow in the air, and were all hurrying home to a nice hot supper by the fire.' Such a cosy scene!

Are there any little ways you're celebrating the winter season?

Simplifying at home

Simplifying Miss K's art resources

For me, our first steps towards living a simplified life at home was to get rid of the excess 'stuff'. Do you remember when I wrote about my decluttering intentions here last January? I found it so hard to write about it in this space even though there was so much I wanted to say about living a minimalist, clutter-free life. I didn't know if you would be interested in what I was, essentially, throwing out of our home. Decluttering is such a huge part of  our journey towards living a simple, minimalist, anti-consumerist life with my family, I knew I had to write about it. 'Simplifying', 'living lighter', 'decluttering', however you want to describe it,  felt like such an overwhelming subject. Where do you even begin? So I am just going to jump right in and hope to find the words I need. And maybe some more words in the future.

Well, I cleared so much out last year, bags and bags of things that were just unnecessary in our home, cluttering up our living environment. Things that had to be lifted up and moved just to find something or to clean around. Things that took up mental energy by just being  in our home, even though they weren't used or admired, literally just stuffed into cupboards, or in spaces under beds, looking dusty and so untidy. We don't have a loft space or garage for storage, so everything we have, has to be directly in our immediate living spaces around the home. No putting stuff into boxes and storing out of sight just in case we might need something in the future. Everything we own needs to be useful or beautiful to us right now, here in the present, in our present.

In 2012 I hope to peel back another layer of stuff to try to live a truely minimalist, simplified family life. Simplified/minimalist living is not a one time thing, for us it will be an on-going journey. Do you have any tips for living a more simplified life at home?

outdoor winter play

Now daylight is lasting that little bit longer, we're having plenty of time for outdoor winter play before darkness pushes us back indoors again into the cosy warmth of home. It was mild and late  in the afternoon, the sun sinking low in the sky. The children ran around the park shouting, shrieking and laughing, feeling joy and freedom in the large, open space. By the time we headed back home, the almost- full moon was out, looking pretty in the fading light next to the stark, silhouettes of winter trees.

When I think of outdoor family time, I usually think of late spring and summer days but that afternoon reminded me there is a happiness in being outdoors in winter too, especially if you catch the last hour of sunlight during the day, the golden hour, for some magical play before bed.

dress-up

Dressing up time with a watermelon smile, laughter, polkadot ribbons, twirling... this girl melts my heart.

raindrops

A late afternoon walk to blow away the cobwebs on a wintery afternoon. After a quick shower-burst, there were plenty of puddles for jumping and sloshing through. We admired the winter raindrops glistening and shimmering where they had fallen.