mamaUK

Finding calm - meditating in nature

Since reading Buddhism For Mothers, I've been interested in the idea of meditation as a way to bring an increased sense of clarity, calm and happiness to my life and how that can affect the way I parent my children. With the little bit of reading I had done about meditation, about setting up meditation spaces, mindfullness of breath and certain words to focus on, I felt too intimidated by the whole formal practise of meditation to even attempt it. 

This week though I seemed to experience a form of meditation almost by accident, it was completely unforced and natural. I found myself meditating in nature. The warm weather had drawn me outside to my favourite spot in the garden. It's a little wild area where flowers grow higgledy-piggledy with a little old brick path running beneath the large apple tree. I went to sit up there to see the tulips as I had noticed they were all in bloom, but almost hidden at the top of our garden. I sat on the path for a while and felt the warmth of the sun, all the time admiring the tulips glowing red as they tilted their heads towards the sunshine. By simply noticing the beauty in that moment, really noticing how the tulips looked, their intense colour, their soft, firm petals and all the while hearing the sounds of the garden, the insects moving around, birdsong, a lawn mower humming in the distance somewhere far off, I felt myself re-centre and and feel a deep sense of gratitude. As I was paying full attention to the present moment I began breathing deeper as I experienced nature surrounding me. I felt thankfulness for seeing the true beauty in spring time. The tulips in bloom may only be short lived, but their impermanence make their beauty only that much sweeter.  

Even though I found that 'still' for a short while, maybe just fifteen or twenty minutes, I felt positive, calm and happy. I'm sure it flowed into how I mothered my children for the rest of that day, with extra patience and attention.

Sunshine days

The UK seems sun- drenched this week, it's been exceptionally mild. Little L is wearing pretty summer dresses and wanting to go bare-legged to keep cool. We're spending our time outside, at the park, in the garden, walking to and from school with Miss K. The walk home is taking twice as long now as there are so many things to see, tiny ladybirds on leaves, magnolia trees bursting into blossom. The children enjoy collecting the creamy, blushed petals as they drop to the floor.

Birthday girl

(Little L's birthday day out)

We've just got back from the farm, the children collected eggs, fed baby goats, watched baby lambs, held baby chicks, milked pretend cows...so many smiles all around! We've been basking in sunshine all day.

Moments ago, Little L said as she climbed into bed, "I'll dream about slides and trampolines!" There's something so poignant about the night before a birthday, I feel like I want to catch a tiny bit of their childhood before it slips away.

When she climbs out of bed in the morning she'll be four years old! Oh my.

Choosing to opt out of large, whole class birthday parties

I decided to choose low-key, simple and gentle family-centred birthday parties three years ago when Miss K first started school in her Reception class. I knew I would be going against the trend for whole class parties but I didn't want to do something just because everyone else was. I chose to opt out of blow-out birthdays! I am actually a very shy person so I knew organising a large party would cause a lot of anxiety and stress for me which I did not want each time one of my children's birthdays rolled around.

I grew up with simple birthday parties and I knew that is where my heart truly lay. I still remember when I was very young going for a walk on the Malvern Hills to celebrate my birthday. I remember the sun was shining, it was warm and after climbing up a steep hill and sitting down on a little wooden bench my mother got out a birthday cake from a cardboard box she had carried all the way up the hill for my twin sister and me. I remember her struggling to light the candles because of a light, warm breeze.

I wanted to build tradition and ritual into a child's birthday and embrace the simplicity of it all. Something my children could count on and look forward to to celebrate their special day. Ahead of time I always ask them to choose their perfect birthday cake so I know in advance what shape cake I need to bake and what flavour icing they would like me to put on the cake. This year Little L has requested a chocolate button cake. I ask them if there is anything in particular they would like to unwrap on their birthday. Little L has asked for a fairy dress with wings. I love to plan a birthday day out. When Miss K was four years old, we took her on a steam train and when we stopped she had an icecream which she still remembers now. When she was five, we took her for a surprise morning of horse riding as she has never ridden a horse before. Now she's older, she likes to choose her own birthday outing. Last year she begged us to take her on a camping trip, which, of course, we did. This will be the first year Little L chooses her own birthday day out. Another special ritual the girls have fallen in love with, is having a birthday poem the night before, as they rise in the morning and when they blow their candles out. It's their birthday magic. Sometimes I see Miss K's eyes shining with tears as she hears 'For the night before a birthday' poem.

Things might change as they get older, they might want a special friend over for a birthday sleep over. But for now it's simple, it's a good enough birthday. This is 'us', how our family celebrates birthdays. It might not be a big blow out birthday party, but there's candles, cake and presents, there's warmth and so much love. 

Planning a simple spring time birthday party

(Outdoors at the weekend)

This week I'm busy planning a very simple spring time family birthday party for my soon to be four year old Little L. It seems like the perfect theme as her birthday falls so close to the spring equinox. I'm thinking of using a plain table cloth with our white china, pretty paper flower garlands, spring coloured balloons in shades of blossom pink, fresh pale green and a beautiful bright yellow with trailing co-ordinating ribbons. I'll decorate the room with little sweet bouquets of spring flowers.

Have you seen the adorable blossom fairy party printables over on You Make Do? They seem absolutely perfect for a little girls birthday that falls in spring time!

Encouraging independent play outdoors

The play space suddenly expands in the spring time with the chance to play outdoors. We're lucky to have an enclosed back garden, at almost four and six years old, Little L and Miss K can come and go as they please and are old enough now to have unsupervised outdoor play. 

 Independent play is such a beautiful opportunity to create your child's inner-dialogue, moving and encouraging their independent play outdoors can open up brand new sensory experiences for a child. Being able to breathe in fresh air, feeling damp grass, brushing the different textures of leaves with their finger tips, experiencing the feeling of wide, open spaces.

In our home, now springtime is here, there is always a little pile of boots and coats next to the back door. This makes the transition between indoor and outdoor play so much simplier. For Little L it encourages her to practise her own everyday skills like finding the right boot for the right foot and pulling on her own coat, all perfect for building self-esteem. I can't wait for the warmer weather, it will be so nice to leave the back door wide open to create a real free-flow feeling between indoors and out.

I try and not comment on or complain about muddy clothes. They can always be washed. If they're happiest tramping around the garden in princess clothes or pretty party dresses, I don't ask them to change into something else, as it can interrupt the flow of their natural play, their dreaming.  I simply leave them to it.

Simple things like little stainless steel containers, small buckets, trowels and water in a small spray bottle keep them happy outdoors. You can check out their mud kitchen here. Miss K and Little L like to fill the buckets with twigs, grass, soil, stones and flowers they come across in their play.

Spring time gardening

Our first trip to the garden centre this year, all the pretty flowers and the bright sunshine put a spring in my step and made me feel happy and excited for the new gardening year. I adore spring time, so much promise and planning, getting ready to connect with the earth again, sowing, planting, feeling the soft dark soil with your finger tips.

Raising children from a Buddhist perspective

A good friend passed on this wonderful and gentle podcast by Ajahn Brahmavamso to me discussing bringing up children from a Buddhist perspective - It centres on love, compassion, honesty and acceptance when communicating with your child, understanding them and making sure your children know you will love them no matter what. That your love is unconditional and the importance of showing your love with your words. I hope you find a moment to listen, I've found it so inspirational in the way I hope to raise my children. Happy weekend to you all!

Spring time

Splashes of bright yellow daffodils.
Breathing in the spring time air. 
Hearing the distant hum of a lawnmower pulling us forward into summer days.

Little L misses the bees, she wonders where they've been all winter, why she hasn't seen them?
Miss K listens out for the birds singing as she steps outside each day.

They can see the changes in nature, the lighter evenings, the buds unfurling on branches, daisies springing up in the grass. When they were younger I would carefully point out the changes in the seasons, now there is no need, they can see it, feel it. Now they show me.

Developing your child's inner resourcefullness

In the past it's been so easy and at times, tempting, to go through our days filling each pocket of time to keep the children busy just to get through to bedtime, to distract myself, or the children from the feeling of boredom. I've found that if I structure their time too much, when they suddenly find themselves with an empty hour they might not know how to fill it if they are used to a busy schedule with a parent guiding how their time is spent, steering them through their day, from one hour to the next. Let children be their own leaders, masters of their own time.It's an opportunity to develop their own inner resourcefullness, often sending them spinning into creativity. Time well spent I think.